“Golf is a game that cannot be won; it can only be played.” — Bagger Vance
I just returned from our annual golf weekend. There has been a group of us who have made the trek to Central Oregon over the past fifteen years. I did miss a couple of years when my life as an athletic director cut into the annual adventure.
I was pondering “why” we continue to go. We have had as many as sixteen players at our peak and as few as the six we had this year. Eight to twelve has been the norm. There has been a core group who make the annual journey. The group comes together around college friends, current work friends, acquaintances, family, and sometimes former strangers who are now part of the community. Regardless of the numbers, it is always a good time.
Back to Bagger’s quote and how it applies to our lives. Life cannot be won; it can only be experienced and lived. Much like how we experience golf, this is how we experience life.
Here are a few thoughts on how life and golf intersect. At least, this is how this experienced golfer and mature adult views it.
#1 — Much like life, golf has become a place for a deeper perspective and less about short-term results.
Whether my score is 84, 94, or 104 (oh, the horror), it is really about what golf teaches me about life and community. Think about how competitive you may have been in your youth compared to where you stand today, especially if you are a bit more advanced in age (including this old soul). Somedays I am just trying to survive.
I remember throwing clubs on the course, swearing, and going home pissed! I am not here to tell you that I never curse, go home mad, or throw a club. I embarrassingly threw a club a year ago after making a snowman (an eight) on the 10th hole at Black Butte. I apologized to my good friends who I was playing with. I also went on to birdie three of the next four holes. The birdies were nice, but the embarrassment of my outrage was immature. The point is that golf rewards you with a few birdies when most of life can feels like bogey after bogey (over par). As my perspective grows, a few good holes make up for my poorer endeavors.
I even scored an eagle this summer (making a 3 on a par 5). Those are few and far between for most golfers. Does it make up for all my doubles and triples? Not years ago, but now maybe it does!
Golf has its ups and downs, just like life. Some days the sun shines, some days the rain comes, and some days are just partly cloudy.
#2 — Golf is about the buddies!
Golf is much more about the relationships on the course than it is about my score. I read something a year ago that stated that your golf partners don’t remember your scores; that is on you. They don’t remember and I shouldn’t care once I get home. Flush it!
This might be best illustrated by our bucket-list golf trip to Scotland this summer. We had been planning this trip for two years to commemorate the retirement of Wise Steve after his 37 years as a teacher. We planned and saved and made it happen. It was so good that we are talking about going back. Opps, I hope my wife isn’t reading this.
The trip was more than I hoped for. I played OK overall, but I couldn’t tell you one of my scores for those seven rounds on the links of Scotland, the home of golf. I can tell you I defeated my playing partners on one of those rounds. That was only important because these guys are better than me and I seldom post the lowest score.
Spending time together and creating memories was the point.
Golf has strengthened my relationships with my buddies. We all win when we have a good time and relive the round over a pint at the end of a sun-filled day.
My brothers have periodically joined my friends for a golf weekend in Oregon over the years. It has been really neat to share the experience with friends and family when Jim and Chad can make it. Creating the connection of family and friends is pretty awesome!
Chad and I were on the winning teams for all three Ryder-style competitions last weekend. Not that anyone will remember that next year, least of all me!
#3 — Golf teaches us all how to deal with adversity quickly.
After a bad shot or hole, golf sets us up to take the next shot or play the next hole. Good golfers know that you must let the past go quickly and move on to the next thing.
Brooding or wallowing in self-pity will hurt you on the course. It will also hurt your ability to be successful and happy in life. When we can’t move on from mistakes or misfortunes in our daily lives, we become a little less bright and more pessimistic about the future.
Remember my three wins with my brother?
The final round of the weekend was the worst that I had played all year. After sucking for nine holes, I decided that I had nine more to go and that sulking and showing my frustration wouldn’t serve me OR my buddies.
I decided to keep my emotions in check, even when I hit a bad shot.
After changing my attitude, guess what happened?
This is where, in the fairy tale, a better attitude would improve my game.
Well, the fairy tale didn’t happen.
I still sucked!
However, I didn’t ruin the rest of the round for my golf buddies.
I often reflect upon how golf and a good life have so many similarities. I am not sure if I golf because it helps me keep perspective on life, or if life has taught me that golfing makes me a better person.
Is it the chicken or the egg?
Maybe I just enjoy the sun, the exercise, or the fact that it is a place that makes life better for me.
What is the activity that makes your life better? What thing helps you with perspective? Where do you get to engage in something meaningful with “your people?”
Much like Bagger’s advice about golf; “life cannot be won either, it can only be played.” How we choose to play is up to us!