The Truth of the Truth

What is the truth?

It seems like a simple question. People give us answers every day, yet many times we never get close to the real answer—the “truth of the truth.”

Confused yet? I know I would have been a month ago.

Two books helped me understand this idea more clearly: Reset by Dan Heath and The Bottom of the Pool by Andy Andrews. Both challenged me to look beyond the first answer and dig deeper into the reasons behind what people believe, say, and do.

Enough about the books. Let’s get to the point.

I am not talking about “my truth,” a phrase that has become common in today’s conversations. This is something different. The “truth of the truth” is about discovering the deeper reality behind our thoughts, choices, and motivations.

Most of us answer questions with the first thing that comes to mind. It is usually the easy answer—the socially acceptable answer—the answer we have repeated so often that we don’t even realize there may be more underneath.

Someone asks, “How are you doing?”

“Great!”

Someone asks, “Why do you want to win?”

“To be successful.”

Someone asks, “What is your goal?”

“To be the best.”

But what if we kept asking?

What if we had the courage and curiosity to go one level deeper?

The “truth of the truth” rarely appears on the first attempt.

Why? Because deeper answers require vulnerability. They require us to slow down and admit things we may not even fully understand about ourselves. Sometimes we avoid those conversations because we assume people don’t really want the long answer. We think they are just being polite. We believe our deeper thoughts are not interesting enough. We convince ourselves that nobody has time for a real conversation.

The funny—and somewhat sad—part is that we often believe this because we do the exact same thing when someone else opens the door for a deeper conversation.

We settle for pleasant, surface-level exchanges with coworkers, acquaintances, and sometimes even the people we love the most.

So how do we get to the “truth of the truth?”

We become genuinely curious.

Here is a hypothetical conversation that illustrates the difference.

Joy (close friend of Destiny): “Destiny, do you think your team can win league this year?”

Coach Destiny: “I think we can. The girls have been working hard, and we did well at team camp.”

Joy: “Why do you want to win league?”

Coach Destiny: “It would be great for the school and community.”

Joy: “What would winning league mean to you personally?”

Coach Destiny: “I guess I might receive Coach of the Year.”

Joy: “That would be pretty cool. What would that mean to you?”

Coach Destiny: “I guess it would mean I’m a successful coach.”

Joy: “Why is it important for you to be seen as successful? I’ve always heard you talk about how much you love the girl’s you coach.”

Coach Destiny: “I guess I feel like some of the other coaches don’t always respect me, especially some of the male coaches in our league.”

Joy: “Why is their respect so important to you?”

Coach Destiny: “My dad was a successful coach. I guess I want to make him proud of me.”

Joy: “Has your dad ever told you he is proud of the coach you have become?”

Coach Destiny: “Yes. Every time he watches us play.”

Joy: “So maybe he is already proud of you whether you win league or not.”

Coach Destiny: “I guess he is. You know, deep down, I think I feel like an imposter sometimes. Maybe having the respect of my dad and other coaches has become more important to me than I realized.”

Joy: “Thank you for being honest. But think about the evidence. You have shared the amazing notes your players give you at the end of each season. You have a former player who now coaches alongside you. Your impact goes far beyond a championship trophy.”

Coach Destiny: “You’re right. I do want to win. But I care even more about creating an experience where my players grow and become better people.”

This exchange illustrates the power of the “truth of the truth.”

Joy could have stopped after the first question. She could have accepted the easy answer and moved on. Instead, she stayed curious. She asked thoughtful questions. She helped Destiny uncover a deeper motivation and gain a healthier perspective.

The goal was never just about winning league.

It was about understanding why winning mattered.

As Jody Redmond from Inside Out Coaching says:

“Winning is our goal; it is not our purpose.”

Great leaders understand this. They do not just listen for answers—they listen for meaning. They do not rush to solve problems—they ask questions that help people discover what lies beneath.

The people we value most in life are often the ones who are genuinely curious about us. They are willing to ask one more question. They are willing to sit in the silence. They are willing to help us discover something we may not have been ready to see.

Be that person for someone else.

Take the time.

The truth is important.

But the “truth of the truth” is where transformation begins.