MORE?

MORE?

Why do we think we need more?

Most of us already have more than we will ever need to survive—or even to be happy. Yet we seem obsessed with getting more. Are we selfish? Are we victims of our evolutionary wiring to survive? Are we endlessly comparing ourselves to others? Are we addicted to the dopamine hit we get when we compete and win?

All of these may apply.

So now you’re probably asking, “Why should I care about this?”
Good question. I’m glad you asked.

I was recently struck by the economic inequity in the world—not just in this country, but globally. At first, I hypothesized that billionaires must simply be awful people to accumulate so much while so many live in poverty. While that might be true for some, I began to wonder if something else was at play. Were they simply victims of human nature? Were they compensating for something they lacked earlier in life? Were they chasing something deeper than money?

Then I widened the lens.

There are many people with far less wealth who are still obsessed with money, success, or acquiring more. If you have ever lived in poverty and later improved your financial situation, you likely wanted more—and understandably so.

So, there is more (pun intended) going on here than just pointing fingers at the economic elite.

What is it?

There are countless reasons, and they vary for each of us. You can research them yourself. AI could probably generate an exhaustive list. But here is my personal reflection on why I chase “more.”

#1 Achievement

Achievement is how society measures success. Yes, money is part of that—but not primarily for me.

I continue to strive for more success because it feels good. It’s an ego boost when others recognize your contributions to a project, a person, or an organization. Wanting more of that recognition feels good.

The positive side? Achievement can drive us to work hard and make the world better—if our motivation is right.

The negative side? When achievement becomes ego-driven, we can fall into temptation and begin doing things for the wrong reasons.

It is completely normal to want achievement. Just be careful to maintain perspective and examine your true motivations.

#2 Comparison

Comparison is another reason I sometimes desire more.

Like it or not, I am competitive. Even though I have more perspective today than I did ten years ago, I still fall into the comparison trap. I know I should measure the Tom of today against the Tom of last week—but that’s not always easy.

I don’t need to be “the best” anymore. I think I’m too old—and frankly don’t have the energy—for that race. But I do want to be someone who adds value.  How do I compare to others?

The problem with comparison is that it often leads to disappointment. There will always be someone smarter, better-looking, more charismatic, or more talented.

As the old joke goes:
“There will always be people who are smarter than you, better looking than you, and more charismatic than you. Just make sure they aren’t standing next to you.”

I thought I would inject a bit of humor.  Sorry….

#3 Culture

Our culture rewards “more.”

More money. Bigger titles. Cooler possessions.

I’m probably somewhere in the middle of that continuum. I want enough money to travel and have meaningful experiences. Titles don’t mean much to me illustrated by the fact that I still feel a bit strange saying, “I have a business,” even three years after starting one. And while I don’t own the best golf clubs, mine are nice. I don’t wear the most expensive clothing, but most of it is quality.

Culture does judge us—whether we admit it or not—by our experiences, titles, and possessions. None of these things are inherently wrong. They only become problematic when they define us.

Might biology be to blame?

Our brains are wired for more.

When we try to eliminate the desire for more entirely, we are fighting biology. The drive to acquire, improve, compete, and expand helped our ancestors survive.

The desire for more isn’t the problem.

The question is: More of what?

I want more close relationships.
I want to travel more and experience different cultures that expand my perspective.
I want to read more books that deepen my ability to coach and encourage others.

Most of all, I want to add value to more people.

Maybe the issue isn’t that we want more.

Maybe the issue is that we haven’t decided what “more” truly means.